The other day I was watching one of my favorite youngish romance flicks – 10 Things I Hate About You, and realized that a number of things highly irritate me about the American Romance flick, although I do love them, all film for that matter. I started with number one and moved my way down. Any additions to the list, would love to hear ‘em. Add them in the comments. Here goes. Top 10 Things I Hate About American Roman Flicks:
1. The way the main character says "Someone once told me...," right before their big hook-up finale. Why are we being so vague? We all know it's that guy or girl you are talking to and about to make out with – You're not fooling anybody. We know it's the other person. Say their name! Watch 10 Things & Wedding Planner for example.
2. They way the female lead has to be humiliated in a million varying fashions, verbally, emotionally, vaudevillian, gastro-intestinally (lactose intolerance!) before finding love. It's as if she has to be belittled to such a low that it almost seems better off giving up, rather than continue with said deprecation, messes, & embarrassments. Is one guy really worth that?!? Watch French Kiss, Leap Year.
3. For that matter, and this one makes my blood boil: When one billion ridiculous things go wrong in such a unbelievable succession as to seem almost impossible by the laws of physics. I mean really this applies to a number of comedies as well, and they go in my basket too. I literally get so irritated by this one that I have been known to get up and walk out of a room. And this from a girl who sat through - to the end - both, Last Man Standing and The Happening. Breathe Kelly, breathe. I mean really do we believe that in one 48-hour period, a single man can: lose his bag on a plane, misplace his-father-in laws cat, burn down a wooden wedding arch, burn down a house, destroy a bride-to-be's face day before the wedding, and get arrested by Homeland Security. And then still want to marry the woman who takes her family’s side over his? – I sure can't. Meet the Parents, Folks, & Addicted to Love.
4. That they’re not British. Because no matter how garden-variety a Brit-Love-Flick can also be, the addition of witty, dry one-liner comments and throwbacks has literally saved any one film I’ve ever seen make it here from the tiny isle. Watch Notting Hill, Love Actually.
5. The female lead that needs to realize there’s more to life than being an obsessive career woman, usually one with cats, completely bent on maintaining her independence. Instead she realizes that true happiness comes from being with a man (sorry to sound so feminist, but…). At least Jane Austen’s women couldn’t help it in their society. Watch Picture Perfect.
6. The ridiculous yet seemingly irreversible event. Although it just seemed, five minutes earlier, that the most unforgivable mistake, misunderstanding or tragic accident had just occurred, one that would never be erased, not in a million years (if the main characters were truly as stubborn as they are originally made out to be in the exposition.) It will ultimately be remedied by some stupid vision, or off hand comment that should have been screamed out when the original event in question occurred. Watch Cruel Intentions, Affair to Remember, 10 Things, Sense and Sensibility, Much Ado About Nothing, oh the list goes on, and on, and on….
7. Marisa Tomei (in the 1990s) Now I’m not sure how much of this is her fault, but when younger, she had this unbearable tone of condescension in talking to anyone in her films. I literally did not want her to get the guy. I felt that those relationships would soon end in divorce, as those men so in love with that Tomei-created character would eventually realize what a patronizing nag she really was. Thank goodness for Christian Slater’s character in Untamed Heart he died while it was still in the hot phase. Watch Untamed Heart &; Only You.
8. When the modern remake of a classic is set in high school. We all know that life does not revolve around high school, that in fact, most of the best of life occurs post-HS. And yet we find that a myriad of films are set in the confined and dictated halls of secondary school. Why? To help represent the confines of society’s assumptions on and constrictions? So we feel young again? I don’t know. Watch 10 Things, Cruel Intentions, Clueless, She’s All That…
9. When a love interest dies. Eff you filmmakers. I mean really E-F-F you! I just spent how many dollars and how many minutes completely compelled and entranced and rooting for the triumph of love, and You, You kill Kevin Costner, on a boat, in some stupid storm, and tell us in a letter. May you burn in hell for such a defeat! Watch Message in a Bottle, Cruel Intentions.
And Finally…
10. That people don’t spit out these three simple words when they should, saving us 90 some minutes of misunderstandings, pitfalls, other muckity muck, twisted stomachs and the like. “I LOVE YOU” – Done, credits, home for The Tonight Show with...ooh. Too Soon?
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