Twitter Bios That Make You Go, "HMMMM??"

A friend sent me a quick list of Twitter bios she discovered while cleaning house in her Following section. Most will make you laugh, many just have you scratching your head and wondering, "That's the general idea this Tweetard wants people remembering about them? This is their 140-character elevator pitch to the virtual masses?"

Droves of people using something without any training... this is what happens. The same could be expected if we just gave everyone a driver's license without first teaching them the rules of the road. However, some of these just defy the limits of common sense. Others are simply funny, imaginative and ballsy (literally in a couple cases).

I hope she takes this idea and makes it into a book. Maybe the Do's and Don'ts of Social Media Bio Writing... guess which section these fall under? Gawh, there could be an entire class built around writing your own bio in 140 characters. hmmmmm... 

Happy Reading!

(disclaimer: the spelling and punctation of these bios has not been altered. Adds to the humor, if you ask me.)

Dr. Purcell is a physician who has literally “healed herself”. She is also a nationally known speaker and internationally known opera singer. -- WTF does "healed herself" mean? Creeeepppppyyyy....

I'm a Christian entrepreneure, I love to share my faith in God and help others to fulfill their God given potential.- Pretty sure Christ did the same thing but, for free...

California Desert dwelling engineer, Travel & history blogging, alternative energy,aquaponics & permaculture eco system solutions- is that a fancy way of saying that he's one of those Apocalypse whack jobs?

'Ya know what that means..Louie V hightops with the skinny jeans! :D YEAH!♥JB is the man, yeah he’s the truth&He’s a beast. :) ILOVE-SHAWTYMANE♥- umm....there are no words

Even good food that has low carolies and is good for you I can make tasty! I Kan Kook- from a grown ass man...what's low carolies? Is that a holiday special?

Disabled Gulf War 1 Vet. The Light Wizzards visit my Light Being or Soul in Lucid Dreams, its the Trinary Way; all Lucid Dreams are Real, learn how. I Re-Follow- enough said.

Designer of PantyO. More than Happily Married to Tom(@tomgarrett)! Mom of 5 children. Yes I said 5! Self proclaimed Chef. http://www.pantyO.com- AWESOME SAUCE! We should all get these lol

I'm a mother of 19, grandmother of 15 and totally irrevocably in love with Alex, Edward n Bella, Steve, Adam and Steve! Put God First!!- Holy Ovaries!

*Run DoWn of ME* outta CA & BacK 2 the wiLD WeST-what? why? PokER! & maybe a little something something on the side~ ?

confidence is sexy... right? :P I'm the dopest, flyest, O.G. pimp, hustler, gangster, player, hardcore motherf*cker, living today!!!!- Ummm...no, not when you say it like that!

Cheeky, unpredictable, psychotic.

iimm gay! - simple and to the point, I like it!

OK gang, you know the rules, no humping, no licking, no sniffing hineys- awesomeness!

I have a hard on for ham and all other pork products. After all, ham is the true meaning of Christmaas. From The Hamboner, yes that's his handle LOL

I ♥ whiteee boys ! fashion photoqrapher in the makinq ! my love for fashion cant really explain but my work will ! hit me up Via facebook- hahahaahahaha!

I make shit, I make shit happen, I write shit, I write shit that happens. Proud father of God knows how many. I love gadgets. I love chicks, except for my ex.

OK, OK...that's probably enough! Hope you had a couple laughs!

Posted via email from Kelly4nia on the state of... well, things.

Like Pandora, but hungrier - Ness (from Thrillist)

From four dudes who all went to either Cal or Stanford (and probably also see nothing wrong with rooting for vampires and werewolves), Ness is a just-launched Peninsula-HQ'd iPhone app that combs through shloads of your social media data to give you "smart" filter-able restaurant recs tailored specifically to your personal tastes.

Here's how it works: first put on some pants. Ok, phew. Now download the app to your iPhone, rate 10 restos you've been to on a simple 1-to-5-star scale, then hook the app up with access to your Facebook and Foursquare accounts. From there it'll spit out recs based on stuff like places you or your friends have checked in at, preferred cuisines, and aggregate popularity across their network, then you can sort all of your results by distance, price, and ratings, or you can just assume Russian Dolls will be on top and skip that step entirely.

And because they're still trying to score more Facebook friends than that cryptid in the Scottish Highlands, expect more similarly buzz-worthy content-curating apps for music and nightlife, which is usually much better for vampires. No, werewolves. Ugh, screw it -- Go BearCards!!!

Read more: http://www.thrillist.com/node/2343117#ixzz1aUayIog4

Posted via email from Kellyfornia on the state of... well, things.

Qwikster: truly, in and out in a flash.

Sorry guys,

Obviously, we made a big boo boo. So, we're calling a take back ok?. Just this one time. We promise... till next time of course.

(like say Starz pulling out of the mix... (pause) ...awkward)

Oh, BTW... the higher prices still apply. K.

So, we're cool, right? Cuz, we wouldn't care either way, but we're trying with a thinly veiled attempt to pretend as if we are. Is it working?

Ok, good. Almost worried there for a sec.

 

Posted via email from Kellyfornia on the state of... well, things.

Hey Facebook Timeline, you've been leaked (kinda)

Through a little "developer finagling" discussed step-by-step in this Mashable article, I was able to get in a week early onto the new FB Timeline setup.

Thing is no one can see it till Tuesday when it is released to the general public, so I took the quick route. I spent my Tuesday setting up and exploring what is set to be another bomb dropped on the social media world. We were always looking forward, at now and ahead. Now Facebook let's us look back and create the most complete profile of our-selves now on the web...

Hey, this is my job to look like I'm ahead of the game, even in those rare cases when I'm not. I know social media when few else do. I'm vowing to stay on top of things so that my clients don't have to.

Mashable, although things have been tense between us, mostly on my side, and on a severely personal level, concerning your SF staff, I thank you for being an outlet of valuable information that helps even the most adept Social Media Maven traverse the vastly vastifying vastness of this increasingly and recently annoying so morphing media.

For the rest of you: if you'd like to check it out and brave the creating an FB developer app to gain access to this ahead of time, I say do it. If you follow the steps as they are mapped out, you will not affect your Facebook adversely. It will change, if you don't publish it, it won't change till Tuesday.

But be prepared it's coming, so why not get ahead of the curve and take this beautiful new vehicle for a spin?

Here's a quick rundown of the new setup:

According to good old Mark Zuckerberg, the new service will be, "transforming the user profile into a virtual scrapbook that digs all the way into your past."

At the company’s f8 developer conference in San Francisco, Zuckerberg laid out Facebook’s vision for the future of profiles. He described the history of the Facebook profile, starting with the original profile from 2006, when Facebook was still known as TheFacebook. He explained that through all of these iterations, Facebook profiles have been a good gauge of what you’re doing now, but they are not a good way to share what you or your friends have done in the past.

When I got my fangs into I scrolled all the way back the the date of my birth, disbelieving as Facebook was not around back then, 31 years ago, yeah great logic, Kelly. I found a large rectangular box where I could edit and add pertinent details, including whom I was born to, where and a photo. So simple yet so usable.

It’s a way to show off who you are, what you do and where you’ve been. It’s a complete design overhaul that makes a visual history of everything you’ve ever done, all the way to when you were born.

Facebook automatically adds photos, status updates and life events from your Facebook history to your timeline, but you can also add photos and content from you past to fill out the “Way Back” section. In his demo, Zuckerberg showed how to add a baby picture to the beginning of your timeline.

“It’s fun and easy to fill out your timeline,” Zuckerberg said.

The new profiles also include a map feature that lets you see where you’ve been, thanks to Facebook Places. It maps out your travel. You can even mark your place of birth. But perhaps the most striking feature is the cover photo, which displays a giant image at the top of the new profile page.

Timeline’s purpose is to resurface all the content you have created on Facebook. The problem is simple: once a status updates leaves your profile, you are unlikely to ever see it again. Zuckerberg and the Facebook team want to make Facebook a place to express who you are while discovering who your friends are at the same time.

Get the ten cent tour from Facebook themselves here: http://www.facebook.com/about/timeline

Posted via email from Kellyfornia on the state of... well, things.

Apple Announces iPhone Event for Oct. 4 - via Mashable

Apple has started sending invites for an iPhone event at Apple’s Cupertino campus on Oct. 4.

Apple is expected to unveil the iPhone 5. The tech giant is also likely to unveil a second, cheaper iPhone model based off the current iPhone 4. The event will be the first with Tim Cook as CEO.

The new iPhone has been rumored to have an 8 MP camera, 1 GB of RAM, an aluminum back, a larger screen and a slew of other upgrades. Apple is also expected to unveil a new Assistant feature for iOS 5 and will bring some special guests on stage.

This will be Apple’s first iPhone event since June 2010, when it released the iPhone 4. iPhone 5 demand is expected to be strong, thanks to the lack of a phone release this summer and the addition of the iPhone on the Verizon network. Sprint is also expected to get the iPhone.

- http://mashable.com/2011/09/27/apple-announces-iphone-event-for-october-4/

Posted via email from Kellyfornia on the state of... well, things.

Henry T. Segerstrom honored at Carnegie Hall Medal of Excellence Award

Hey folks, 

Over the last couple of weeks I've been working a documentary script to be read by one Michael York that will be played at the Carnegie Hall Medal of Excellence Awards in about 30 minutes. This is the fourth time the award has been given out and tonight it will go to one of the most influential men in all of Orange County, Henry T. Segerstrom. My script was part of a five-minute film covering the life and business achievements of Henry and his family's contributions to the county that have helped it become an influential cultural center, rivaling the likes of Big Brother LA and others. His charity and work in Orange County has helped make events such as the Newport Beach Film Festival possible. 

 

Watch the feed on Ustream to chat live with me about the event while it plays.

 

Well, so here is the live stream of the event, that will be playing on Ustream at 3:30 p.m PST (6:30 EST).

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Posted via email from Kellyfornia on the state of... well, things.